So You Wanna Be Popular

I haven't put anything new up in awhile because I have had this creative block. Plus I didn't have anything to interesting to discuss or let alone write. Well anywhos...I finally had something to write about. As I was driving home after taking one of my finals I listened to this song by Taylor Swift. I am not a huge country fan but by far she is tolerable and I enjoy her music because she writes most of her songs. The song that came on was called "The Best Day" I love the song because it tells a story about growing up. Friday night I got to spend time with my sister. We were talking about her up coming birthday and middle school. She told me about the boys she is crushing on and how her friends don't talk to her. I told her about my middle school friends that I hung out with and then told her about this guy that I had a huge crush on. I thought she was just going to blow off what I said,but she surprised me. She asked me what life was like in middle school and how high school was for me. She said that she wished she was more popular. I told her that the boy that I crushed on was mean to me after he found out that I liked him and said some pretty hurtful things. That the group of girls I hung out with were mean to me as well. I told her about my 7th grade birthday sleep over. How one of them caused a huge fight to the point that my mom had to come out and sleep in the living room while half of the other girls and I slept in my room. How another time my friend that I drove home with ditched me and I walked all the way home in the rain. That later when I talked to her she laughed. I told her that middle school was ruff for me because I was still figuring out my sense of style and was going through an awkward stage. I was a little surfer tom boy chick in middle school. I than told her in high school that the first year was ruff. Discovering make up and finally able to date boys.I said that I didn't have my first real boyfriend til my sophomore year. I also told her I was trying too much to live up to my brother's rep. because he was popular and well I was not.  I told her sophomore year I finally was with the in crowd and was made cheer captain but I than went on to tell her I realized the ugly side of the whole popular thing. I told her about how in between class I watched my friends purchasing drugs and taking them at school. How they teased me about being such a goodie. That one of the popular girls would bring alcohol to school. That there was so much peer pressure and thought this is not what I want to be around.I decided to stop hanging out with them and went back to my old group of friends from freshman year.I told her I was a lot happier being me and not having to worry about what others think. I told if you had to put a label on what I was in high school I would say "Normal" I would float from group to group talking to friends I made from different "clicks".I went on to say that popularity does not mean anything. The only thing that matters is that you are comfortable in your own skin. I said I was nominated for homing coming court my senior year not because I was popular but because I had a good quality of friends. I did not make the actual court but I was shocked that people even nominated me. I said after high school you are just who you are. No label No Contest...Just you. What will cheer captain do for me in the real world? I lightened the mood by telling her that that boy I crushed on for so long wrote in my yearbook Senior year telling me that I looked beautiful at prom and that any guy would be lucky to date me (showing her what he wrote). I cheered her up saying middle school is such an awkward stage for most of the people you know. Just know who you are and be you. Don't try to be someone your not. I told her not to worry that she would find her niche. We had more laughs as I showed her my middle school pictures. I laughed saying "You thought I was always a girlie girl huh." I am glad that I had ruff times growing up and experienced many things in my life because I am able to share them with others. That I am able to relate to my sister about what she is going through.That as I continue to grow I am so appreciative of my parents and their life experiences. I can recall countless nights when I would have deep conversations with my Mom about life, boys and friends. How she always had the right words to say to me to keep me up and going. There is a huge transition coming up for me and I can not help but reflect on how I got to this point in my life, but I am excited to see where the roads of life takes me. I put the lyrics to " The Best Day" down bellow. 

"The Best Day" by Taylor Swift

I'm five years old it's getting cold i've Got my big coat on

I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you I run and run

past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides look now the sky is gold

I hug your leg and fall asleep on the way home

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall 

I know you're not scared of anything at all

don't know if snow white's house is near or far away

but i know i had the Best day with you today

I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean

i come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys 

and we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away 

and we talk and window shop till i forgot all their names

I don't know who i'm gonna talk to now at school

but i know i'm laughing on the car ride home with you 

don't know how long it's gonna take to feel ok 

but i know i had the best day with you today

i have an excellent father

his strength is making me stronger

god smiles upon my little brother 

inside and out he's better than i am 

I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run

and I had the best day with you

there is a video i found from back when i was three 

you set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me

it's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs 

daddy's smart and your the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

now i know why all the trees change in the fall

I know you were on my side even when I was wrong

and I love you for giving me your eyes 

staying back and watching me shine and i didn't know if you knew 

so i'm taking this chance to say that I had the best day with you today

2 more weeks

Let me just say this I can't wait for this semester to over with. I don't understand why my professors decided to give a last minute test on top of a final exam! Technically I did not have to take my Spanish exam tonight because my professor drops your lowest test score, but I did anyway. One thing I will miss though is my Spanish class classmates because I liked everyone. Plus there was only 15-17 students in there because it is a late night class. So we got to know each other. I actually enjoyed going to class as well as I love learning new languages. I took 3 years of french and 2 years  of Spanish in high school. I got them mixed up and I was more fluent in French but I barely used the language and soon lost it. I can understand what they are saying I just don't know how to say something back. As for Spanish I never really had that much interest in high school with it even though my Nana used to speak Spanish to me when I was a kid. My goal is to be trilingual because I want to travel. I learned from my Aunt that a lot of or roots from my Mom's side of the family is in France. So I really want to go visit there. The good thing about Spanish and French is that there are a lot of similarities. I can tell though that school is taking a toll as the semester is coming to a close. Seems like all I want to do is sleep. 2 more weeks though so I have to keep going along. 

Keep, Keep, Keep it up

One night as I was laying down in my bed I looked up and the moon was just over my head. My I-Pod was playing and the song that played was by La Rocca. As I laid there I began to think a lot about life. What is the point in living life blinded. To not look around you and see the beauty in it. Everyday as I drive to school there is this guy who stands at the same corner waving a sign for Little Cesar's Pizza. He has his headphones on and dances to his own beat. I have come to notice that each occasion that I have seen him he is always smiling. One day as I was stopped at the light I watched him and he turned to wave. I waved back and smiled it was hard not to because his smile was so infectious. This guy loved what he was doing and I tend to complain about the smaller things in life. I have allowed myself to get so caught up with school,work and emotions that I forgot me. I used to do many things in my spare time painting,drawing,writing and going out. Not being scared that sometimes it is o.k to be alone. I used to do it with out feeling like a complete loser because I was not hanging out with anyone. I think those were happy times because I was doing things that I love. Recently I began writing again just for fun. I am writing a story about fictional characters but they all embody friends that I have now or have had in my life. I talked to my sister about it and she began reading the first few chapters. Jokingly she told me that this could even be one of those t.v dramas. So then it transformed into a script. My sister just about ever week comes by and reads the next episode. For awhile I did not write anything and she was asking me what happened to this character and what is going to happen between so and so.She was dissapointed that I had nothing for her to read. Even though she is the only one reading my sitcom I feel good because she takes interest in what I am writing. As  of right now I am in season 3 Episode 5 and well if your lucky I might let a few of you read it. I try to take scenarios from events that I had to go though and make the conflicts that these characters go though realistic. I love creative writing it was always my strong point for me in English. Also another thing to add earlier today I went into my storage unit to look for my i-pod adapter that got mixed in with some boxes. As I opened the box full of  old yearbooks from high school along with other books I came across one called Peculiar I noticed in the book was a piece of paper. There laying in this book was my Patriarchal blessing. I have been looking for it for almost a 6 months. I was upset because I figured I lost it and here it was. I began to read it and I realized I need to focus more on the good and keep working at my talents. To keep being optimistic! :)

You worry to much about others

I know I have not written in a little awhile. It has been a ruff couple of weeks. I just had my 23rd birthday and I was gravely disappointed with who I choose to hang out with. My friend Joyce was planning a surprise birthday dinner for me and invited all my friends from the branch. I was not aware of her plan until i went into institute and one of my friends came up to me and asked me what was going on for my birthday and I was confused and said that my birthday had passed that it was on Tuesday. He informed me about some kind of dinner going on Friday night and that Joyce had invited him. I called up Joyce and she said that it was supposed to be a surprise. She than asked me to get a head count for her cause no one has got back her yet. So I called up one of my friends who has numbers of friends that I don't. She never returned my calls and no one commented me about Friday. When Joyce called again I told her that it looks like it is just you and me for my dinner. I tried to hold my emotions in like I have said I hate people seeing my weaknesses. Friday came and same thing no call no comments. I attended my sister's play that night. My sister did really well I think she has found her niche she was funny and when she had to be serious she delivered. I enjoyed this middle school production I thought it was very clever and for the money that they had looked well made. After my sisters play I called up Joyce and she was not ready yet and my family was going to dinner to celebrate my sister's first play. I decided to head over but I got really upset all of a sudden as I went to my car and felt like I needed to talk to someone. The person in my life that means so much to me other than family alone is a good friend of mine Rosalinda. She is like an older sister to me. I  hate crying to her to but she is one of the few that truly gets me and has seen me though many hard times in my life. I talked to her for awhile and I knew she was busy and I felt I was kind of intruding on what she was doing so I let her go. I drove over to the restaurant that my family was dinning at. I sat for a little bit in my car making sure that I didn't look like I was crying. When I took a depth breath I walked in and sat down for a little bit with my family discussing movies, the play and my brothers being goofs. My Mom turned to me and saw that I was being a little quiet she asked me "Are you o.k."  I tried to hold back my tears but I began crying. My mom told me to come with her outside to talk. I think I kinda scared my brothers two really good friends cause they never seen me like that. My mom and I were talking and she asked me what is wrong. I began to tell that tonight my friends and I were all going to go to dinner for my birthday. That out of all of them Joyce is the only one going. I began to talk more how I always hang out with this group and one of them is a good friend of mine for 3 years. I just told her that I was hurt to find out that these friends we just acquaintances to me. I also told her that I figured out that they all were going to go see James Bond and after Joyce asked them to go later they said that they would rather go to the movie at a certain time. My mom than asked me about friends in Utah and I told her I had friends that hurt me there too, but my quality of friends was better. I talked about Rosalinda,Cuddey and Kelly. That when I am up there they try and do their best to hang out with me.I also told her that making friends up there is easier for me. That from my past visits I have meet really cool people. She asked me why I moved back home. I told her that I knew she was having a hard time with the divorce and I wanted to come back to help her and that I moved back because my Dad told me that his health is getting worse and that he missed not having me close by. Since my move back my Father does not see me to much due to his girlfriend's feelings towards me. His health is good and that he does go through days when he feels weak. My Mom than thanked me for all my help and said "But I am o.k now and your Father has his life going on."  She went on to say "Go where you need to go I am going to miss you like crazy but if you need to go back go!" She hugged me and told me "I want you worry about you now." I am going to miss having my Mom close to me but she promised to visit. My Mom walked me back in and my brother's friend Ryan asked me if I was o.k and told me he was worried. I informed him I was o.k just a ruff day. I didn't feel like giving details. I left to go to dinner and meet up with Joyce and her boyfriend. My older brother hugged me and his girlfriend hugged me. I must have looked like a wreck because that is unusual for Dustyn to show me emotion when he apologized to me for what happened even though it was not his fault. I think it might be a big brother thing. Last night I hung out with this group of friends again and as we sat a dinner one of the guys commented to me about asking for certain items before I ate. He said "Is it just perfect now?"  I looked at him and he had this slick smile and I was like can you not criticize  about what I am doing again. This was not the first occasion in which he has criticized me.Before dinner we went to a movie as I walked up with my friend there were 2 open seats next to him so I began to sit down and he was like "oh you can't sit next to me and pointed me down the row. " I did not say anything until I saw Ashleigh was sitting next to me and said "That's o.k I like sitting next to Ashleigh. During the whole movie those seats remained empty.This guy always says stuff like that to me and than some days he is nice to me saying I look nice today and that he likes my hair. One day after class I ran into him and he asked me if I was going to be attending the dinner that was last night. I told him maybe (I was still a little hurt by the group) he told me to please come because it would not be the same. When people ask me about him I just say he is a nice guy and  is really into the church (Peter Priesthoody) but a good guy. At dinner however he was a complete jerk to me that I finally just sat there and was quiet hoping that the checks would be coming soon. I don't get him why does he act like a jerk than the next day sweet? We are not good friends because the only time I see him is at church or institute so I don't know why he treats me that way. 

Restless Nights

I know I have not posted a blog in awhile,but since this is another night of being restlessness I thought to write a blog. Tonight I went on a drive and began pondering about many things that I am going through. As I drove I passed a home where my friend used to live his old car still parked in the drive way though he is gone. Than as I kept traveling along the road I passed the local Mexican food restaurant that was the hang out after school let out during my years of high school. The road than took me past my middle school where I remembered my first dance, my first crush and first boyfriend. As I sat in my car loads of memories flooded my mind and soon those memories turned into vivid pictures as they began to play out. I could not help but think how time has been flying by. How much have I changed and where I am going now. Last night I went over to my older brother Dustyn's new home. Later on my family and I went out to dinner. My mom noticed that I was very quite. She asked me if I was o.k. I told her that is has been a ruff week. I hate making my Mom worry so I only told that I was stressed out about school and the two talks that I have in church. I have been a little down this past week. My life has become such a routine wake up at 5:00 a.m. go to work off at 3:oop.m then head to school get out at 9:30 p.m go home than get ready for bed. Wake up and start all over again. I wish I had more of a social life more time to live my life.I think once school is done I will gain some more of my time back and more time to spend with friends. I think some of my restlessness is because my birthday is coming up and I do not have anything planned other than I have school. Usually my friends and I plan something but I haven't had time to plan anything. I think this will be the first birthday that will be kinda be blah.  

Haunted/Desert

This weekend was a lot of fun. On friday night a group of friends I went to the haunted trial. I was so excited I love to be scared and also I like to scare my friend Lindsey because she gets scared easily. As we stood in this rediculious line for 25 minutes only to be stuck in another 25 minute line to get officially in. There was this one dead guy that blended into the line because it was so dark. I was caught off guard when I turned and saw this dead looking guy staring at me and all off a sudden he did this crazy noise. I screamed and I think he enjoyed my fright and he kept coming for me in the line. I finally decided to hide behind my friend Kyle. I was never in the clear with that guy he must have had a radar for me because he came after 2 other times in line. I joked and said "I guess I only attract undead men." The haunted trial itself was semi scary I was a little dissapointed. I think the only thing that was scary was this guy that had this creepy cat/rat like screeching voice that chased me around. All the guys in the group laughed and said "they must really like you."  It was a lot of fun though, but I had to get home in time to get some sleep to head to the desert for the next day. I have never been to the desert I was really excited.  I could not believe that the desert was only an hour and a half away. When we got there my sister took me around in the razor and than it was my turn to drive. If you don't know me I love speed. So I went around the camp to get used to it then headed to the dunes. Let me just say "amazing!" Then Carl took me in the dune buggy. We had fun until he got stuck. We both got out along with Kevin and my mom's boyfriend Gordon to dig the buggy out of the dune to push it down the hill. So I guess they broke me in easily. Then on the last ride out my sister took me on the razor. We were cruising along around the back ends of camp. When she was not paying attention and rammed the razor into this embankment than up and to only land into another one. My body lunged forward causing the seatbelt to give me this ricked bruise and road rash. My sister stopped to check on me. I turned to her to cover my face. I am usually a tough cookie,but tears were coming down my face so I covered them. I mumbled to her that I was fine and to get us back safely. When we got back I jumped out to check my neck because I was unsure what the damage was. My sister felt bad and began crying. I reassured her and told her I am okay and not to worry. My mom and Aunt tended to me in the other motor home. After they were done I went to tend to my sister and see if she was o.k She has bruising on her wrist and a mark on her neck. I told her it was an accident and I am not upset with her. My Mom and my friend told me today that I should go to the Doctor since I am still sore. I will go just as a precaution. All I have to say is every adventurous trip I tend to come back bruised and broken. UGH. Here are some pictures from the desert :)

 

 

Trolley Ride

So I have never been on a Trolley by myself. I had to take the trolley to meet up with my family halfway to carpool up to an event. I was really nervous and a little scared to be honest. I took the trolley around 4 p.m when people are catching it to take home. I had maybe 6 stops til i arrived to my stop. I sat by myself when this older couple came on from the second stop. They sat across from me and struck up a conversation. They talked about places to eat and suggested one for me. Then the lady talked about how they meet. She is from New York and her husband from Minnesota. They meet in college at SDSU. She said that they always hung out as friends going on group outings. They found out later that they both liked each other but both never said anything. I asked, "well someone had to make the first move." "Who was it?" The lady smiled and said "I did," and went on to explain she called him that her fire alarm wouldn't go off. He said he would be over shortly to fix it. The fire alarm was not working simply because she took the batteries out and when he got there she made him dinner. I smiled at their story and couldn't help but notice the way they smiled at each other. They looked like a younger couple telling each other that they love each other for the first time. After the story they asked me if I had anyone. I said that I don't. The lady just smiled and complimented me by saying "I beat you are a heart breaker"  I just smiled and said "I'm not sure about that." She smiled and than said "You are have to think of yourself more highly...your a pretty girl." The next stop came and more people piled in. They kept talking to me about school and if I was going to SDSU. Then my stop came and I politely said good bye. The couple smiled at me and told me to have a good day. That couple was so cute. I couldn't help but tell my story to my family. I also thought about what she said. I need to have more self-esteem and to think more highly of myself.