I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I am at a very confusing point in my life. My trip back home has made me open my eyes. I love my family so much. They are not LDS and I love them just the way they are. I had someone who I thought was open enough not to be judgemental come back with me. I warned them that my family drinks and some of them even smoke. I told them that my younger brother has a typical boy sense of humor. They said that they have been around people like that before and that they would be fine. However they were not. I could tell by their silence and their facial expressions. I asked them if they were o.k and they would nod their head yes or say "Yeah everything is o.k." I am not stupid I know when people are upset. Later in the car ride home they opened up and said they were offended by what one of my family members said. I asked them what they said and they continued to say it didn't matter,but it did. The rest of the trip they just kept quiet and it made me super stressed. Also when I went to hang out with Cory. They were quick to judge again. Cory and I have been friends in high school. We lost contact with each other for 8 years so we were happy to catch up. He was respectful to me for being Mormon and was very polite to my friend. Cory is friendly and wrapped his arm around me and friend and they had this look like get off me. They latter said they don't like people touching them. I was getting fed up. First my family than my friend. When I got back to Utah just seemed like the judgements of others came again when my sister came to visit. I know my sister can be a little annoying what do expect from a 13 year old? But don't roll your eyes at her. I think that by this blog I want to say is that I am confused. Why do I want to be apart of a church that is so judgemental towards others of a different faith or just different in general. I don't know if I want to stay here in Utah anymore and if I move home most likely I will not be Mormon. Maybe my Mom was right. I am just torn I believe in the church just not the people. I feel utterly alone here. How am I supposed to find a mormon guy who will accept my family let alone friends?The only friend I have here is Rosalinda and she is also the only one that is o.k with my family.They love her. I am just so confused..my heart is torn.
Monday, July 6, 2009
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1 comments:
Brenna,
A couple things. First off, the church and the people are two entirely different things. The church is full of imperfect people. It is for imperfect people. Just because someone does something that is wrong doesn't mean that what the church teaches is wrong.
Second, I wish you could have been at my family BBQ on the 4th. My uncle got so drunk he passed out, My grandpa's girlfriend was talking openly against religion, to which my grandpa agreed. My cousin is going to the MTC in a month. It was a mix of members, non-members, and ex-members and guess what? Everyone loved each other. We got beers for my uncle, we engaged in conversation against religion... we didn't judge anyone and that's how it should be. Some people don't know anything different from their Mormon upbringing. It is a shame too. Don't let them cause you to question the church. You didn't join because you believed in the members. You did it because you believed in Christ and his gospel. Even some of Christ's 12 apostles did things that were unworthy of him.
Thirdly, I passed no judgment on your sister not being a member. If I made any looks of annoyance it was because I thought she was a high school senior or graduate. It made perfect sense when I found out she was 13- my sister is so annoying haha. I even forgot that she wasn't on Sunday when we decided who'd say prayer. Of course she wouldn't know our little prayer game haha. And I didn't expect her to say it and didn't think anything about it either.
Anyway, I'm sorry if people made it seem like they were not accepting of your family. I'm sure much of it was a mistake in how old your sister was and not having to do with her beliefs. I'm sorry if I did anything to offend and hope that you will still count me as a friend.
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