Monday, April 6, 2009

A Chapter of my life

I never like letting people in. I usually just  keep parts of my life simple...private. Earlier this past month I got a scare from my father when he called me during work. He sounded down and scared. I was thrown off my his voice and asked what is wrong. My Dad was diagnosed with congestive heart failure about 4 years ago. It has been a roller coaster ride. He is on the heart transplant list and is still waiting for a heart. If you want a glimpse of what my Dad has you can watch "Seven Pounds" the character played by Rosario Dawson's has what my Dad has. I saw that movie and fought to hold back tears. My Dad is in and out of the hospital all the time. He at least goes once or twice a month. He was in the hospital this past month going through another procedure to see if he gets a couple of more days. When he called he was worried. I can hear the crying in his voice as he told me he was scared. That he feels like this is it. That he loved me and that he was sorry for this past year. Last year was a hard year for our relationship as father and daughter.Growing up I was always close to my Dad and when my parents spilt when I was five I always tried to make up lost time when ever I saw him. My Dad over the past 2 years has had a girlfriend that has been nothing but rude,manipulative and just down right hurtful to me. This has caused a strain on me and my Dad's relationship. He made his choice one day when he decided to lie to me about prior a engagement we had together. She made him choose who he wanted to spend time with and chose her. The past year we have fought and lost touch with each other.I will always have a place in my heart for my Father and letting go of someone is hard for me. Forgiving him for this past year and all the pain he caused me was hard. When he apologized I began crying. I told him that it is o.k. and that I love him. I am going home for Easter weekend and I am excited to hug my Dad and spend time with him. I know that these moments will be only a few. I can see and tell that my Dad's health is fading. The outlook of him receiving a heart transplant seems slim because he is a 2A.