Tuesday, December 16, 2008

So You Wanna Be Popular

I haven't put anything new up in awhile because I have had this creative block. Plus I didn't have anything to interesting to discuss or let alone write. Well anywhos...I finally had something to write about. As I was driving home after taking one of my finals I listened to this song by Taylor Swift. I am not a huge country fan but by far she is tolerable and I enjoy her music because she writes most of her songs. The song that came on was called "The Best Day" I love the song because it tells a story about growing up. Friday night I got to spend time with my sister. We were talking about her up coming birthday and middle school. She told me about the boys she is crushing on and how her friends don't talk to her. I told her about my middle school friends that I hung out with and then told her about this guy that I had a huge crush on. I thought she was just going to blow off what I said,but she surprised me. She asked me what life was like in middle school and how high school was for me. She said that she wished she was more popular. I told her that the boy that I crushed on was mean to me after he found out that I liked him and said some pretty hurtful things. That the group of girls I hung out with were mean to me as well. I told her about my 7th grade birthday sleep over. How one of them caused a huge fight to the point that my mom had to come out and sleep in the living room while half of the other girls and I slept in my room. How another time my friend that I drove home with ditched me and I walked all the way home in the rain. That later when I talked to her she laughed. I told her that middle school was ruff for me because I was still figuring out my sense of style and was going through an awkward stage. I was a little surfer tom boy chick in middle school. I than told her in high school that the first year was ruff. Discovering make up and finally able to date boys.I said that I didn't have my first real boyfriend til my sophomore year. I also told her I was trying too much to live up to my brother's rep. because he was popular and well I was not.  I told her sophomore year I finally was with the in crowd and was made cheer captain but I than went on to tell her I realized the ugly side of the whole popular thing. I told her about how in between class I watched my friends purchasing drugs and taking them at school. How they teased me about being such a goodie. That one of the popular girls would bring alcohol to school. That there was so much peer pressure and thought this is not what I want to be around.I decided to stop hanging out with them and went back to my old group of friends from freshman year.I told her I was a lot happier being me and not having to worry about what others think. I told if you had to put a label on what I was in high school I would say "Normal" I would float from group to group talking to friends I made from different "clicks".I went on to say that popularity does not mean anything. The only thing that matters is that you are comfortable in your own skin. I said I was nominated for homing coming court my senior year not because I was popular but because I had a good quality of friends. I did not make the actual court but I was shocked that people even nominated me. I said after high school you are just who you are. No label No Contest...Just you. What will cheer captain do for me in the real world? I lightened the mood by telling her that that boy I crushed on for so long wrote in my yearbook Senior year telling me that I looked beautiful at prom and that any guy would be lucky to date me (showing her what he wrote). I cheered her up saying middle school is such an awkward stage for most of the people you know. Just know who you are and be you. Don't try to be someone your not. I told her not to worry that she would find her niche. We had more laughs as I showed her my middle school pictures. I laughed saying "You thought I was always a girlie girl huh." I am glad that I had ruff times growing up and experienced many things in my life because I am able to share them with others. That I am able to relate to my sister about what she is going through.That as I continue to grow I am so appreciative of my parents and their life experiences. I can recall countless nights when I would have deep conversations with my Mom about life, boys and friends. How she always had the right words to say to me to keep me up and going. There is a huge transition coming up for me and I can not help but reflect on how I got to this point in my life, but I am excited to see where the roads of life takes me. I put the lyrics to " The Best Day" down bellow. 

"The Best Day" by Taylor Swift

I'm five years old it's getting cold i've Got my big coat on
I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you I run and run
past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides look now the sky is gold
I hug your leg and fall asleep on the way home

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall 
I know you're not scared of anything at all
don't know if snow white's house is near or far away
but i know i had the Best day with you today

I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean
i come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys 
and we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away 
and we talk and window shop till i forgot all their names

I don't know who i'm gonna talk to now at school
but i know i'm laughing on the car ride home with you 
don't know how long it's gonna take to feel ok 
but i know i had the best day with you today

i have an excellent father
his strength is making me stronger
god smiles upon my little brother 
inside and out he's better than i am 

I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run
and I had the best day with you

there is a video i found from back when i was three 
you set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me
it's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs 
daddy's smart and your the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

now i know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side even when I was wrong
and I love you for giving me your eyes 
staying back and watching me shine and i didn't know if you knew 
so i'm taking this chance to say that I had the best day with you today

Thursday, December 4, 2008

2 more weeks

Let me just say this I can't wait for this semester to over with. I don't understand why my professors decided to give a last minute test on top of a final exam! Technically I did not have to take my Spanish exam tonight because my professor drops your lowest test score, but I did anyway. One thing I will miss though is my Spanish class classmates because I liked everyone. Plus there was only 15-17 students in there because it is a late night class. So we got to know each other. I actually enjoyed going to class as well as I love learning new languages. I took 3 years of french and 2 years  of Spanish in high school. I got them mixed up and I was more fluent in French but I barely used the language and soon lost it. I can understand what they are saying I just don't know how to say something back. As for Spanish I never really had that much interest in high school with it even though my Nana used to speak Spanish to me when I was a kid. My goal is to be trilingual because I want to travel. I learned from my Aunt that a lot of or roots from my Mom's side of the family is in France. So I really want to go visit there. The good thing about Spanish and French is that there are a lot of similarities. I can tell though that school is taking a toll as the semester is coming to a close. Seems like all I want to do is sleep. 2 more weeks though so I have to keep going along. 

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Keep, Keep, Keep it up

One night as I was laying down in my bed I looked up and the moon was just over my head. My I-Pod was playing and the song that played was by La Rocca. As I laid there I began to think a lot about life. What is the point in living life blinded. To not look around you and see the beauty in it. Everyday as I drive to school there is this guy who stands at the same corner waving a sign for Little Cesar's Pizza. He has his headphones on and dances to his own beat. I have come to notice that each occasion that I have seen him he is always smiling. One day as I was stopped at the light I watched him and he turned to wave. I waved back and smiled it was hard not to because his smile was so infectious. This guy loved what he was doing and I tend to complain about the smaller things in life. I have allowed myself to get so caught up with school,work and emotions that I forgot me. I used to do many things in my spare time painting,drawing,writing and going out. Not being scared that sometimes it is o.k to be alone. I used to do it with out feeling like a complete loser because I was not hanging out with anyone. I think those were happy times because I was doing things that I love. Recently I began writing again just for fun. I am writing a story about fictional characters but they all embody friends that I have now or have had in my life. I talked to my sister about it and she began reading the first few chapters. Jokingly she told me that this could even be one of those t.v dramas. So then it transformed into a script. My sister just about ever week comes by and reads the next episode. For awhile I did not write anything and she was asking me what happened to this character and what is going to happen between so and so.She was dissapointed that I had nothing for her to read. Even though she is the only one reading my sitcom I feel good because she takes interest in what I am writing. As  of right now I am in season 3 Episode 5 and well if your lucky I might let a few of you read it. I try to take scenarios from events that I had to go though and make the conflicts that these characters go though realistic. I love creative writing it was always my strong point for me in English. Also another thing to add earlier today I went into my storage unit to look for my i-pod adapter that got mixed in with some boxes. As I opened the box full of  old yearbooks from high school along with other books I came across one called Peculiar I noticed in the book was a piece of paper. There laying in this book was my Patriarchal blessing. I have been looking for it for almost a 6 months. I was upset because I figured I lost it and here it was. I began to read it and I realized I need to focus more on the good and keep working at my talents. To keep being optimistic! :)

Saturday, November 22, 2008

You worry to much about others

I know I have not written in a little awhile. It has been a ruff couple of weeks. I just had my 23rd birthday and I was gravely disappointed with who I choose to hang out with. My friend Joyce was planning a surprise birthday dinner for me and invited all my friends from the branch. I was not aware of her plan until i went into institute and one of my friends came up to me and asked me what was going on for my birthday and I was confused and said that my birthday had passed that it was on Tuesday. He informed me about some kind of dinner going on Friday night and that Joyce had invited him. I called up Joyce and she said that it was supposed to be a surprise. She than asked me to get a head count for her cause no one has got back her yet. So I called up one of my friends who has numbers of friends that I don't. She never returned my calls and no one commented me about Friday. When Joyce called again I told her that it looks like it is just you and me for my dinner. I tried to hold my emotions in like I have said I hate people seeing my weaknesses. Friday came and same thing no call no comments. I attended my sister's play that night. My sister did really well I think she has found her niche she was funny and when she had to be serious she delivered. I enjoyed this middle school production I thought it was very clever and for the money that they had looked well made. After my sisters play I called up Joyce and she was not ready yet and my family was going to dinner to celebrate my sister's first play. I decided to head over but I got really upset all of a sudden as I went to my car and felt like I needed to talk to someone. The person in my life that means so much to me other than family alone is a good friend of mine Rosalinda. She is like an older sister to me. I  hate crying to her to but she is one of the few that truly gets me and has seen me though many hard times in my life. I talked to her for awhile and I knew she was busy and I felt I was kind of intruding on what she was doing so I let her go. I drove over to the restaurant that my family was dinning at. I sat for a little bit in my car making sure that I didn't look like I was crying. When I took a depth breath I walked in and sat down for a little bit with my family discussing movies, the play and my brothers being goofs. My Mom turned to me and saw that I was being a little quiet she asked me "Are you o.k."  I tried to hold back my tears but I began crying. My mom told me to come with her outside to talk. I think I kinda scared my brothers two really good friends cause they never seen me like that. My mom and I were talking and she asked me what is wrong. I began to tell that tonight my friends and I were all going to go to dinner for my birthday. That out of all of them Joyce is the only one going. I began to talk more how I always hang out with this group and one of them is a good friend of mine for 3 years. I just told her that I was hurt to find out that these friends we just acquaintances to me. I also told her that I figured out that they all were going to go see James Bond and after Joyce asked them to go later they said that they would rather go to the movie at a certain time. My mom than asked me about friends in Utah and I told her I had friends that hurt me there too, but my quality of friends was better. I talked about Rosalinda,Cuddey and Kelly. That when I am up there they try and do their best to hang out with me.I also told her that making friends up there is easier for me. That from my past visits I have meet really cool people. She asked me why I moved back home. I told her that I knew she was having a hard time with the divorce and I wanted to come back to help her and that I moved back because my Dad told me that his health is getting worse and that he missed not having me close by. Since my move back my Father does not see me to much due to his girlfriend's feelings towards me. His health is good and that he does go through days when he feels weak. My Mom than thanked me for all my help and said "But I am o.k now and your Father has his life going on."  She went on to say "Go where you need to go I am going to miss you like crazy but if you need to go back go!" She hugged me and told me "I want you worry about you now." I am going to miss having my Mom close to me but she promised to visit. My Mom walked me back in and my brother's friend Ryan asked me if I was o.k and told me he was worried. I informed him I was o.k just a ruff day. I didn't feel like giving details. I left to go to dinner and meet up with Joyce and her boyfriend. My older brother hugged me and his girlfriend hugged me. I must have looked like a wreck because that is unusual for Dustyn to show me emotion when he apologized to me for what happened even though it was not his fault. I think it might be a big brother thing. Last night I hung out with this group of friends again and as we sat a dinner one of the guys commented to me about asking for certain items before I ate. He said "Is it just perfect now?"  I looked at him and he had this slick smile and I was like can you not criticize  about what I am doing again. This was not the first occasion in which he has criticized me.Before dinner we went to a movie as I walked up with my friend there were 2 open seats next to him so I began to sit down and he was like "oh you can't sit next to me and pointed me down the row. " I did not say anything until I saw Ashleigh was sitting next to me and said "That's o.k I like sitting next to Ashleigh. During the whole movie those seats remained empty.This guy always says stuff like that to me and than some days he is nice to me saying I look nice today and that he likes my hair. One day after class I ran into him and he asked me if I was going to be attending the dinner that was last night. I told him maybe (I was still a little hurt by the group) he told me to please come because it would not be the same. When people ask me about him I just say he is a nice guy and  is really into the church (Peter Priesthoody) but a good guy. At dinner however he was a complete jerk to me that I finally just sat there and was quiet hoping that the checks would be coming soon. I don't get him why does he act like a jerk than the next day sweet? We are not good friends because the only time I see him is at church or institute so I don't know why he treats me that way

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Restless Nights

I know I have not posted a blog in awhile,but since this is another night of being restlessness I thought to write a blog. Tonight I went on a drive and began pondering about many things that I am going through. As I drove I passed a home where my friend used to live his old car still parked in the drive way though he is gone. Than as I kept traveling along the road I passed the local Mexican food restaurant that was the hang out after school let out during my years of high school. The road than took me past my middle school where I remembered my first dance, my first crush and first boyfriend. As I sat in my car loads of memories flooded my mind and soon those memories turned into vivid pictures as they began to play out. I could not help but think how time has been flying by. How much have I changed and where I am going now. Last night I went over to my older brother Dustyn's new home. Later on my family and I went out to dinner. My mom noticed that I was very quite. She asked me if I was o.k. I told her that is has been a ruff week. I hate making my Mom worry so I only told that I was stressed out about school and the two talks that I have in church. I have been a little down this past week. My life has become such a routine wake up at 5:00 a.m. go to work off at 3:oop.m then head to school get out at 9:30 p.m go home than get ready for bed. Wake up and start all over again. I wish I had more of a social life more time to live my life.I think once school is done I will gain some more of my time back and more time to spend with friends. I think some of my restlessness is because my birthday is coming up and I do not have anything planned other than I have school. Usually my friends and I plan something but I haven't had time to plan anything. I think this will be the first birthday that will be kinda be blah.  

Sunday, October 26, 2008


This weekend was a lot of fun. On friday night a group of friends I went to the haunted trial. I was so excited I love to be scared and also I like to scare my friend Lindsey because she gets scared easily. As we stood in this rediculious line for 25 minutes only to be stuck in another 25 minute line to get officially in. There was this one dead guy that blended into the line because it was so dark. I was caught off guard when I turned and saw this dead looking guy staring at me and all off a sudden he did this crazy noise. I screamed and I think he enjoyed my fright and he kept coming for me in the line. I finally decided to hide behind my friend Kyle. I was never in the clear with that guy he must have had a radar for me because he came after 2 other times in line. I joked and said "I guess I only attract undead men." The haunted trial itself was semi scary I was a little dissapointed. I think the only thing that was scary was this guy that had this creepy cat/rat like screeching voice that chased me around. All the guys in the group laughed and said "they must really like you."  It was a lot of fun though, but I had to get home in time to get some sleep to head to the desert for the next day. I have never been to the desert I was really excited.  I could not believe that the desert was only an hour and a half away. When we got there my sister took me around in the razor and than it was my turn to drive. If you don't know me I love speed. So I went around the camp to get used to it then headed to the dunes. Let me just say "amazing!" Then Carl took me in the dune buggy. We had fun until he got stuck. We both got out along with Kevin and my mom's boyfriend Gordon to dig the buggy out of the dune to push it down the hill. So I guess they broke me in easily. Then on the last ride out my sister took me on the razor. We were cruising along around the back ends of camp. When she was not paying attention and rammed the razor into this embankment than up and to only land into another one. My body lunged forward causing the seatbelt to give me this ricked bruise and road rash. My sister stopped to check on me. I turned to her to cover my face. I am usually a tough cookie,but tears were coming down my face so I covered them. I mumbled to her that I was fine and to get us back safely. When we got back I jumped out to check my neck because I was unsure what the damage was. My sister felt bad and began crying. I reassured her and told her I am okay and not to worry. My mom and Aunt tended to me in the other motor home. After they were done I went to tend to my sister and see if she was o.k She has bruising on her wrist and a mark on her neck. I told her it was an accident and I am not upset with her. My Mom and my friend told me today that I should go to the Doctor since I am still sore. I will go just as a precaution. All I have to say is every adventurous trip I tend to come back bruised and broken. UGH. Here are some pictures from the desert :)


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Trolley Ride

So I have never been on a Trolley by myself. I had to take the trolley to meet up with my family halfway to carpool up to an event. I was really nervous and a little scared to be honest. I took the trolley around 4 p.m when people are catching it to take home. I had maybe 6 stops til i arrived to my stop. I sat by myself when this older couple came on from the second stop. They sat across from me and struck up a conversation. They talked about places to eat and suggested one for me. Then the lady talked about how they meet. She is from New York and her husband from Minnesota. They meet in college at SDSU. She said that they always hung out as friends going on group outings. They found out later that they both liked each other but both never said anything. I asked, "well someone had to make the first move." "Who was it?" The lady smiled and said "I did," and went on to explain she called him that her fire alarm wouldn't go off. He said he would be over shortly to fix it. The fire alarm was not working simply because she took the batteries out and when he got there she made him dinner. I smiled at their story and couldn't help but notice the way they smiled at each other. They looked like a younger couple telling each other that they love each other for the first time. After the story they asked me if I had anyone. I said that I don't. The lady just smiled and complimented me by saying "I beat you are a heart breaker"  I just smiled and said "I'm not sure about that." She smiled and than said "You are have to think of yourself more highly...your a pretty girl." The next stop came and more people piled in. They kept talking to me about school and if I was going to SDSU. Then my stop came and I politely said good bye. The couple smiled at me and told me to have a good day. That couple was so cute. I couldn't help but tell my story to my family. I also thought about what she said. I need to have more self-esteem and to think more highly of myself.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Tonight Tonight

So I got home from school and went on my e-mail. There before me was an e-mail from BYU. I already knew I didn't stand a chance, but it was worth a try. I guess I should be happy with myself for even trying. I then got a call from my friend Rosalinda and told her I did not get in. I became so confused when she asked so now your staying in San Diego. I said I have no clue. Next month I am going up to see my Aunt in L.A. I am excited to see her. I thought for awhile that I should move to L.A cause there is no other school that I know of in Utah that has a good film program. But after reading a blog about how he loves being at BYU to be reminded of the Gospel. I began to think of when I prayed about going to Utah and I received my answer. I should not go because of my own personal needs to do what I want. I am on the Lords time. I am moving to Utah and I don't know what it will hold for me. The only way to know is to go and see. All I know is looks like UVU to me.

Monday, October 13, 2008

If you really want to know

I was going though my old notebox. Which consist of letters from old boyfriends,notes from high school,old programs from cheer competition,valentines and concert ticket stubs. I began reading through them and I came across a letter from one of my ex's that he sent me.  He titled the letter "All About Brenna." He was composing through all our conversations things about me. He listed...
-Brenna's favorite candy is Recess Pieces
- Favorite foods are Sushi and Mexican 
- Her favorite restaurant is Ono's 
- The cutest thing a guy has done for her is when she was sick for a week her best guy friend Mike made her chicken noodle soup and brought her 7up. As well as her favorite movies.
- She is the middle child she has an older brother Dustyn, younger brother Nik and sister J.C (Jacqulyn). I also have a little brother D'artagnen but when we dated he was not born yet.
- She went to El Capitan
- She volunteer coaches for Pop Warner and loves it.
- She loves the scent of vanilla.
- She converted to the church when she was 19.
- Her first kiss was at Disneyland.
- She is very passionate about music
- Her favorite ice cream flavor is mint chocolate chip.
- She has only gotten flowers from a boyfriend once before she dated me.
- Her favorite flowers are tulips, sunflowers and water lilies 
- Her first boyfriend's name was Brett

and it goes on some more but I think that is good for now. I can't give all the things about me away :)

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Brenna's infinite playist

So today after being home alone half the day I decided to go out on my own. So I hopped in my car and drove over to the mall and got some new Victoria Secret body spray which is so yummy. Then I was walking around and thought I really want to see Nick and Norah's infinite playlist. I got in line by myself and headed into the theater and sat down. I decided I had sometime to kill I will text cha cha asking "does going to see a movie by yourself make you lame?" Cha Cha replied "I have seen movies by myself because it is hard to get my friends together for a movie. That does not make you lame." I have gone to many movies by myself before and usual don't mind but today I felt like such a loser. The 20 minute deal thingy was done and the movie started. I won't give the movie completely away, but watching the movie made me reflect on myself.The movie takes place basically through out this one night and the crazy things that happen to these characters is hilarious but at the same time real. I began thinking of the best nights I had. I miss those days. Also the whole music aspect of the movie. I don't tell many people this but I have an Aunt who is famous. She is a song writer/record label owner/music video director/singer. A lot of you know that my major is film/TV.  I was discussing with my friend from high school about where I want to go to school for my major. She was like why don't you just intern for your Aunt she can teach you the inns and outs. The process would be easier. I considered the idea and realized I want to build my success. I don't want things to be handed to me. Just like the character Norah. If you know me I think after you see this movie you might see little spats of Brenna in there. Like love of music/love life/disappointments. I am going to go off on a little on the side for a second but I haven't dated anyone since Alan. Meaning I have been single for 2 1/2 years now and when I saw my ex. in Utah well lets just I felt more lame than ever. So if you watch the movie you might catch that as well anyways enough with me comparing myself to a movie. I had a good day though just waiting for my infinite playlist to begin :)

Friday, October 10, 2008

Some of my Fears

1. Sharks: Living in California it is only right that you surf or have surfed at least once. When I was younger my brothers and I would spend the summer with our Dad in La Jolla. We went to the beach every weekend it seemed like. I was quit adventurous my brother and I would take our boards to Torrey Pines where you basically ride the current out to the ocean. Which was helpful because it saved you from paddling out. One day however my board took another direction and I cut my knee open on a rock. Thanks to all my fascination with sharks I began freaking out that I might attract a shark. No shark showed up however. Then in 8th grade our whole class had graduation day at the beach (La Jolla Shores) My friends and I we on boggy boards when we spotted a shark. I flipped out the shark was almost the same size as me. My friend was in shock as well. We did not know what do so we began making our way back. When we reached shore we screamed "Did you see that!" I now only go waist deep in the ocean. 

 Bee stings: Simply because I never been stung and never wish to be!

 Snakes: They are just creep me out. I held an albino boa like the one Britney Spears held on the VMAS. It was pretty cool until it slithered up my arm and I saw its head next to mine. Plus I hear that snake bites hurt like heck! I must watch to many discovery channel shows!

4. Dark Water: I hate that I can't see what is bellow me. I think is kinda has to do with the whole fear of shark thing.

 Needles: Thanks to my Mom for forever traumatizing me when I was young. For my 8th birthday my Mom took be to the doctor for a flu shot and then to the dentist for a cavity shot. Also one time I  was getting a shot and the nurse hit my arm funny and the muscles in my armed tightened and my arm bruised pretty bad to the point that I could not lift that arm for cheer practice. I remember 3 years ago I had to get blood drawn because I had been really sick for a month. My friends were kind enough to go with me I squeezed one of my friend's hand tight and was like I am so sorry. I told them to keep me distracted so I would not look at the needle and freak out. 

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Time to Kill

Well at the moment I am sitting at the institute and I was thinking of things that I do. My brother is very helpful when it comes to dating advice. I asked him a question which was this one time I was on a date with this guy who had manual locks to his car. He politely opened the door for me which was not expected. I slid in and in return slid over to unlock and open his door. He smiled and said thank you. I asked my brother if that was weird. He replied "No, one time I was on a date and a girl did that for me." "It made me like the girl a little more." So I feel a little relieved. I don't know if I am strange but I do not like the chivary act of opening the car door I always feel so awkward when the guy opens the door and I am sitting there quietly waiting for him to get in. I had a boyfriend that did that for me all the time and I think I offended him when I opened my door once. My good friend Tyler and I used to talk about this all the time. I tell him I don't mind opening doors some times. He said however that a guy should always open the doors for you. I don't get upset if i open it or not does not matter I guess. Im very low key and mellow so I don't freak out when it does not happen, but when it does I am appreciative and do a gesture to them to let them know. Don't get me wrong chivary gestures are awesome just the open car door thing is not a necessity. So if I go on date you never know what your gonna get ;)

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

You May Have Never Known

Some of you know things about me some do not so I am going to give you some tidbits about me.

In high school I was a cheerleader. I have cheered for 7 years.  I started cheerleading in 5th grade for pop warner. I liked it so much I cheered 2 years in middle school and all 4 years in high school. I also did competition cheer (ALLSTARS). However I was not your typical cheerleader. When I tell people that I was a cheerleader they are very surprised they usually stereotype the ditzy part of cheerleading. I also coached cheer for 4 years and I loved it. I know the picture I inserted  came out small. The picture is of my senior year on varsity I am in the middle row far left.

 I have been hit in the head twice by a baseball bat. The first time is when I played bobby soxs.  My teammate Aril was in the batters box she was supposed to be at the plate. I was next to bat and was heading to the batters box. Aril took one last swing a hit me with the bat in my face knocking me out as well as my front teeth.  The other time was in middle school when we were playing baseball during P.E. A girl named Patty was up to bat. I was in line with others from my class when Patty swung  and released the bat. The bat flew in the air and hit me on the side of my face. This time I was not knocked out or lost any of my teeth thank goodness.

3. I  Dance! People say that I am good dancer. I make up dance routines when I am bored. I also hold "Girls Nights" when I am house sitting and we dance around. My friends ask me to teach them and I do. I want to get back into dancing I mainly dance hip hop. I used to take classes and it was so much fun and I really get into. When I was younger I used to dance Ballet and Jazz.  So I have dancing in my blood

4. I used to be a cowgirl haha.  My aunt and her ex-husband used to live out in arizona and they had a ranch. Over the summer my family would go to visit them. My Uncle would have me follow him around the ranch and I would help him out. One day he asked me if I wanted to get on a horse. I was so excited and said yes. After he taught me the inns and outs I became a little cowgirl. You could not get me to come home some times. One day my Uncle thought that I was able to graduate and was going to take me horse back riding in the mountains. I remember the saddle was too big. My original saddle was missing so that was a problem. My uncle opened the gate to let me through and then went to shut it. My horse then got spooked and took off. I tried pulling on the reins, but she would not stop. I remember closing my eyes and praying. I don't remember falling off or how I even did. I just remember waking up and being in a pile of rocks. I felt my head and saw blood and freaked out and passed out again. When I awoke I was home and my Mom was washing the blood out of my head and pulling out rock pebbles. After my accident I was not able to get back on a horse for a long time, but thanks to my friend Sara and I over came my fear. 

5. I am song writer. When ever I have good days or bad I pull out my pen and translate how I feel to song. I have songs from high school til now. I love writing them. I have to admit some are corny and some are quit good. I have about a box full of songs. 

My Walk To Remember List

Awhile back my old roommate Lori and I were watching the movie "A Walk To Remember." For those who have not seen the movie.  The character Jamie makes a list of things that she would like to do before she dies. So my roommate Lori and I decided to make a list. So here is my list...

1.Go To France and Italy
2. Go to BYU and complete school
3.Do a study abroad 
4. Get married in the Temple
5. Do a service mission in South America and Africa 
6.  Save money so that I can support my parents and take care of them when they grow old. 
7.  Adopt children and have children of my own
8. Do volunteer services for my community
9. Donate money to an organization:Train for a marathon to raise money
10. Do a cancer walk
11. Work at a Charity Ball
12.  Visit all the Temples
13.  Go to Navoo and the sacred gove
14. Go skydiving 
15. Go in a hot air balloon 
16. Go mountain biking
17. Coach High School Cheer
18. Learn and play the piano
19. Be on a college dance team 
20. Go to Hawaii 
21: Open an art studio or have one in my home
22. Write and Produce a top 100 song
23. Swim with the dolphins 
24. Go horse back riding on the beach or in the mountains
25.  Learn to snowboard
26. Start a clothing line that is modest
27. get tan again hahaha
28. Go wake boarding
29. Have a house 
30. Go to Film school
31. Be fluent in French and Spanish 
32. Get back to my high school size.

Monday, October 6, 2008

The way I sleep

From My recent trip to Utah I was hanging out with these girls and they we discussing things that they do out of habit. For example sleeping with a night light. Then my friend Rosalinda was talking how she can't sleep alone. I got to thinking of what I do when i need to sleep. I have a pillow called the cuddley pillow when i fall asleep i wrap my arms around it and fall asleep. Without my cuddley pillow i find falling asleep very hard! Also i can't sleep in complete silence alone so i play my ipod music to help me fall asleep. What else oh!  I house sit sometimes or if i am home alone I have to sleep with the t.v (cartoons) and a light on in the hall way or bathroom. I think that is because i watched to many scary movies when i was a kid. So those are my weird sleeping habits. 

Tuesday, September 30, 2008


So I watch One Tree Hill and I must say it is my favorite show!!! There is this character Peyton that I sometimes relate to in some ways. She has artwork in which i decided to replicate and put my own twist to it. I also like the quotes that she has. They really make you think. I inserted them down bellow. I know for most guys this is not the show for you. Trust me though you can earn some mad brownie points...well maybe with just me and Joyce! I might be able to insert a clip. :)

-Imagine a future moment in you life where all
 your dreams come true. You know, it's the greatest moment 
your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you?


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

What a Week

Well lets just say I am very overwhelmed with school and my personal life. No matter how hard i try to escape drama it always finds away back to me. My mom found out through my brother that I was moving back to Utah. I wanted to sit down and chat with her privately to tell her why. I planned two occasions to do so but every time that we got together either it was somewhere public or she was already upset by other things going on around her. That i did not want the conversation to turn into something negative. When i spoke to her on the phone she caught me off guard "Saying so I heard that your moving to Utah." She seemed a little upset so I told her I am highly thinking of going back. I then told her that I want to talk to her alone and to tell her my reasoning. I am excited about going to conference! I am driving up with Lindsay and we are going to have fun!! I would like to stay with my best Rosalinda but Joyce is staying with her and she has 6 roommates. That leaves little space and in respect to her roommates we'll be staying with our friend Kristin. I wish I had more time to spend there but I have back to back exams when I get back. Yippee!! I know I might sound really lame right not but i don't care. So there is this guy that a semester ago we had Comm. 120. class together. I always thought of him as very intriguing. Well this semester we have a media class together and yesterday we got to class at the same time. He held the door for me while i munched on fruit snacks and then we walked up the stairs he was a little ahead of me and i noticed he was holding the door for me. So i jogged up the steps as i chewed on the fruit snacks. I politely said thank you and he smiled back.  Boy that smile could kill any girl. I must of had this goofy grin on my face. I wish i had more confidence to talk to him. I am sure that he has a girlfriend...i can't see why he wouldn't. Enough about my nervous girl my good friend Valene told me to read this book called  "Can You Keep A Secret." She told me that the character (Emma) is like me (minus some things). So i decided to go get the book. I started the book Friday and she was right. I am just like this character. Her family looks at her like she won't accomplish anything (like graduate for me). She stays in a relationship cause it is safe. Her sibling is treated like "A Golden Child." I was like wow that got me spot on and i am not even halfway through this book and really enjoy it. I feel for this character Emma. 

Friday, September 19, 2008

My First Blog

I thought i should start one of these because I am rarely home to write into my journal and when I am i crash. Well this week has been the week of all weeks. Lets just say anything that could have been thrown at me just about did. For those that have known me for awhile knows that my life never has a dull moment. At the moment I am dealing with the overwhelming stress of school. I have never been so stressed. My Spanish teacher is really intense. I'm also in the middle of a big decision to move back to Utah. I haven't told anyone with the exception of a few close friends and church leaders who have told me that it is a good thing for me. Today I am going to tell my Mom that I am moving. I am nervous because my Mom and I have a very close relationship. I am sure she will be o.k with just worried like any mother would be. I think also when I lived up there last time I was not as happy as I thought I would be. When I was up there before I was stressed for my family due to the divorce of my mother and my step dad. The situation was pretty ugly and it took a toll on my mother and I moved back to help her out. She is happy and in love with her new boyfriend Gordon and I do approve of him. He treats her with respect and love. They remind me of a high school couple. I believe me moving to Utah is a good for me as well. I have prayed about it a lot and received my answer to go. I do not know what it will hold for me there but i am excited to see. I am finishing my BYU application. Hopefully i will get in but if i don't i will go to UVU. What else... my Dad is having a falling out with my brothers and I. I love my Dad and for the longest time we were close. He was always there for me, but ever sense he began dating this women who is younger than I. Our relationship took a turn for the worse. She wants his constant attention and feeds him things that are not true. The sad part is that he gives into her and believes every word she says. They had a child about a year ago D'artagen. He is super cute and i wish i could spend more time with him. His mother does not like me therefore seeing my little brother is hard. I have been house sitting for my Dad for the past week. I have not been there for a couple months. When i walked in i saw walls and walls of pictures of D'artagen. The Photo frame given to my dad on father's day years back of my brother and I was soon pushed to the far corner of the wall like "Like the reject children." That was the only photo of the walls with Nik,Dustyn and I. I feel like my Dad has lost sight of his family as an entirety. Focusing on one and not caring about the others. My father and I have not had a meaningful conversation in about a year.Sunday he called me not to talk to me, but yell at me saying how horrible i am and that he is done with me. I did nothing to ask of this...the Chargers lost and the booze was to much for him. I was victim to another drunk angry Dad moment.I love him and always will. One day he will wake up and want us back in his life. Until then I must live my life with out him. I have tried to salvage a relationship that he did not want to salvage.