P.Sawyer

So I watch One Tree Hill and I must say it is my favorite show!!! There is this character Peyton that I sometimes relate to in some ways. She has artwork in which i decided to replicate and put my own twist to it. I also like the quotes that she has. They really make you think. I inserted them down bellow. I know for most guys this is not the show for you. Trust me though you can earn some mad brownie points...well maybe with just me and Joyce! I might be able to insert a clip. :)

-Imagine a future moment in you life where all

 your dreams come true. You know, it's the greatest moment 

your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you?

P.Sawyer

What a Week

Well lets just say I am very overwhelmed with school and my personal life. No matter how hard i try to escape drama it always finds away back to me. My mom found out through my brother that I was moving back to Utah. I wanted to sit down and chat with her privately to tell her why. I planned two occasions to do so but every time that we got together either it was somewhere public or she was already upset by other things going on around her. That i did not want the conversation to turn into something negative. When i spoke to her on the phone she caught me off guard "Saying so I heard that your moving to Utah." She seemed a little upset so I told her I am highly thinking of going back. I then told her that I want to talk to her alone and to tell her my reasoning. I am excited about going to conference! I am driving up with Lindsay and we are going to have fun!! I would like to stay with my best Rosalinda but Joyce is staying with her and she has 6 roommates. That leaves little space and in respect to her roommates we'll be staying with our friend Kristin. I wish I had more time to spend there but I have back to back exams when I get back. Yippee!! I know I might sound really lame right not but i don't care. So there is this guy that a semester ago we had Comm. 120. class together. I always thought of him as very intriguing. Well this semester we have a media class together and yesterday we got to class at the same time. He held the door for me while i munched on fruit snacks and then we walked up the stairs he was a little ahead of me and i noticed he was holding the door for me. So i jogged up the steps as i chewed on the fruit snacks. I politely said thank you and he smiled back.  Boy that smile could kill any girl. I must of had this goofy grin on my face. I wish i had more confidence to talk to him. I am sure that he has a girlfriend...i can't see why he wouldn't. Enough about my nervous girl ways...so... my good friend Valene told me to read this book called  "Can You Keep A Secret." She told me that the character (Emma) is like me (minus some things). So i decided to go get the book. I started the book Friday and she was right. I am just like this character. Her family looks at her like she won't accomplish anything (like graduate for me). She stays in a relationship cause it is safe. Her sibling is treated like "A Golden Child." I was like wow that got me spot on and i am not even halfway through this book and really enjoy it. I feel for this character Emma. 

My First Blog

I thought i should start one of these because I am rarely home to write into my journal and when I am i crash. Well this week has been the week of all weeks. Lets just say anything that could have been thrown at me just about did. For those that have known me for awhile knows that my life never has a dull moment. At the moment I am dealing with the overwhelming stress of school. I have never been so stressed. My Spanish teacher is really intense. I'm also in the middle of a big decision to move back to Utah. I haven't told anyone with the exception of a few close friends and church leaders who have told me that it is a good thing for me. Today I am going to tell my Mom that I am moving. I am nervous because my Mom and I have a very close relationship. I am sure she will be o.k with just worried like any mother would be. I think also when I lived up there last time I was not as happy as I thought I would be. When I was up there before I was stressed for my family due to the divorce of my mother and my step dad. The situation was pretty ugly and it took a toll on my mother and I moved back to help her out. She is happy and in love with her new boyfriend Gordon and I do approve of him. He treats her with respect and love. They remind me of a high school couple. I believe me moving to Utah is a good for me as well. I have prayed about it a lot and received my answer to go. I do not know what it will hold for me there but i am excited to see. I am finishing my BYU application. Hopefully i will get in but if i don't i will go to UVU. What else... my Dad is having a falling out with my brothers and I. I love my Dad and for the longest time we were close. He was always there for me, but ever sense he began dating this women who is younger than I. Our relationship took a turn for the worse. She wants his constant attention and feeds him things that are not true. The sad part is that he gives into her and believes every word she says. They had a child about a year ago D'artagen. He is super cute and i wish i could spend more time with him. His mother does not like me therefore seeing my little brother is hard. I have been house sitting for my Dad for the past week. I have not been there for a couple months. When i walked in i saw walls and walls of pictures of D'artagen. The Photo frame given to my dad on father's day years back of my brother and I was soon pushed to the far corner of the wall like "Like the reject children." That was the only photo of the walls with Nik,Dustyn and I. I feel like my Dad has lost sight of his family as an entirety. Focusing on one and not caring about the others. My father and I have not had a meaningful conversation in about a year.Sunday he called me not to talk to me, but yell at me saying how horrible i am and that he is done with me. I did nothing to ask of this...the Chargers lost and the booze was to much for him. I was victim to another drunk angry Dad moment.I love him and always will. One day he will wake up and want us back in his life. Until then I must live my life with out him. I have tried to salvage a relationship that he did not want to salvage.