My First Blog

I thought i should start one of these because I am rarely home to write into my journal and when I am i crash. Well this week has been the week of all weeks. Lets just say anything that could have been thrown at me just about did. For those that have known me for awhile knows that my life never has a dull moment. At the moment I am dealing with the overwhelming stress of school. I have never been so stressed. My Spanish teacher is really intense. I'm also in the middle of a big decision to move back to Utah. I haven't told anyone with the exception of a few close friends and church leaders who have told me that it is a good thing for me. Today I am going to tell my Mom that I am moving. I am nervous because my Mom and I have a very close relationship. I am sure she will be o.k with just worried like any mother would be. I think also when I lived up there last time I was not as happy as I thought I would be. When I was up there before I was stressed for my family due to the divorce of my mother and my step dad. The situation was pretty ugly and it took a toll on my mother and I moved back to help her out. She is happy and in love with her new boyfriend Gordon and I do approve of him. He treats her with respect and love. They remind me of a high school couple. I believe me moving to Utah is a good for me as well. I have prayed about it a lot and received my answer to go. I do not know what it will hold for me there but i am excited to see. I am finishing my BYU application. Hopefully i will get in but if i don't i will go to UVU. What else... my Dad is having a falling out with my brothers and I. I love my Dad and for the longest time we were close. He was always there for me, but ever sense he began dating this women who is younger than I. Our relationship took a turn for the worse. She wants his constant attention and feeds him things that are not true. The sad part is that he gives into her and believes every word she says. They had a child about a year ago D'artagen. He is super cute and i wish i could spend more time with him. His mother does not like me therefore seeing my little brother is hard. I have been house sitting for my Dad for the past week. I have not been there for a couple months. When i walked in i saw walls and walls of pictures of D'artagen. The Photo frame given to my dad on father's day years back of my brother and I was soon pushed to the far corner of the wall like "Like the reject children." That was the only photo of the walls with Nik,Dustyn and I. I feel like my Dad has lost sight of his family as an entirety. Focusing on one and not caring about the others. My father and I have not had a meaningful conversation in about a year.Sunday he called me not to talk to me, but yell at me saying how horrible i am and that he is done with me. I did nothing to ask of this...the Chargers lost and the booze was to much for him. I was victim to another drunk angry Dad moment.I love him and always will. One day he will wake up and want us back in his life. Until then I must live my life with out him. I have tried to salvage a relationship that he did not want to salvage.